As every person knows SOV was recently in Los Angeles (The City of Angles) recording our greatest hits album. Many of our Chicago pals have been asking us what LA is like. Answer: LA is a vast chamber of illusions where nothing is real; a nightmarish hellscape built upon a graveyard of lies, a land of punctured dreams inhabited by psychic degenerates waiting to be swallowed into the gaping maw of hell…and we can’t wait to move there! LA changed us, man. It changed us in ways hard for anyone to understand. Actually, it’s easy to understand how it changed us. Here’s a list of tangible changes that happened to each one of us:
CONNER: Without any hesitation Conner quickly abandoned his SOV compatriots for a chance at solo stardom. He can now be seen hosting re-runs of “Who’s Line Is It, Anyway?” on TBS.
WES AND MARK: Wes and Mark went back to med-school and both earned degrees in pediatrics. They opened a practice under the name “Dr. Weedington Stoneddude’s Farmacy, Man!” They are NOT a medicinal marijuana dispensary or a pharmacy.
CHRIS: Chris joined the band Everclear.
JON: Jon was desperate to stand out among the nine white, male sketch comedians in SOV and decided to eat himself into the comedic fat man archetype. He gained a disgusting 92 pounds in three weeks.
MORT AND ANDREW: Mort and Andrew joined the LAPD. They are currently deep undercover in the notorious 18th Street Gang. Their pseudonyms are Chaz Radcool and Montel Swishshot.
GEORGE: George now earns a living at Venice Beach where he dresses like Pinhead from “HELLRAISER” and roller-skates around with a ghetto blaster blaring “EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC” by the Police. He spends most of his earnings on ice cream sandwiches.
SAM: Sam currently teaches wind surfing to at-risk youth. He is preparing the kids for a competition against those preppy wind surfers at Sweet Valley High. If Sam and the kids lose those preppy kids’ parents are going to turn the Pacific Ocean into a shopping mall.
How has LA changed you? Let us know!