Archive for December, 2009

Car Salesman

A desperate car salesman goes in for the kill.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM SOV!!!

Hello Sad Heads,

It’s finally that time of the year when snowflakes fall, rosey faced children sing songs of merriment and we take pause to reflect upon the simple blessings that make life worthwhile. As many of you know the members of Sad On Vacation love the Christmas season (except for our Jewish members who were raised with an antiquated and primitive world view; they find our modern religious rituals to be strange and frightening). Our love of the Christmas season is well documented in our extensive filmography of Christmas movies with titles that include: CHRISTMAS IN IRAN: AYATOLLAH SANTA’S REAL, GAY SANTA: COMING OUT OF THE CLAUS-IT and CHRISTMAS SOLE. CHRISTMAS SOLE is the holiday classic where Conner O’Malley portrays a down on his luck shoe salesman who becomes possessed by the spirit of a flamboyant soul singer, named Rowdy St. James, just in time for his town’s Christmas talent show. It was made in 1993 but still resonates with holiday audiences because it conveys the timeless message that “success comes to those who change who they are on the inside.” That being said here is a list of five Christmas movies that people forget are Christmas movies:


5) Eyes Wide Shut- The fact that people forget this movie starring Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and an orgy took place during the Christmas season is astounding considering the fact that the movie contains an erotic and thrilling sex scene between a masked Tom Cruise and a naked Cockney orphan on crutches.

4) Lethal Weapon- Many people fail to understand that the titular “lethal weapon” is actually the spirit of Christmas and not Detective Martin Riggs. FUN FACT: Mel Gibson went on to direct several other movies with religious themes such as THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, which dealt with the death of Jesus Christ at the hands of the Jews. And APOCALYPTO, which dealt with the death of the Mayan civilization at the hands of the Jews.


3) GREMLINS- C’mon, this movie is great! Joe Dante’s statement on holiday consumerism is still more fun to watch than any other movie with Christmas trees in it. I’m not even going to write a joke. That’s how much I like this movie.


2) DIE HARD 2: AIRPORT DIE HARD- Whenever somebody brings up Christmas movies that people forget are Christmas movies everyone immediately thinks of DIE HARD. But nobody ever, ever, EVER thinks about DIE HARD 2. EVER. No one has ever thought about DIE HARD 2. It just doesn’t ever happen. Ever.


1) STAYING ALIVE- This movie has it all; John Travolta in his physical prime, a gritty New York back drop, jaw dropping dance moves, and a cast that died of AIDS. Not only do people forget that the sequel to SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER is a Christmas movie but they completely forget that it IS a movie. This movie has John Travolta flexing his acting muscles by playing a character who is a misogynistic asshole. It’s also loaded with terrible dialogue, 80’s workout clothes and a ridiculous Travolta to Frank Stallone eye line match where the lesser Stallone is playing guitar like an epileptic retard fool. I’m sorry, epileptic “retardedly disabled” fool. Anyway, the movie doesn’t let on that it’s Christmas time until the mid-way point when a character nonchalantly wishes John Travolta a “merry Christmas”. The next scene has Travolta going to his Mom’s festively decorated house. The Christmas aspect of the movie comes out of nowhere and there are zero transitions that indicate any passage of time, which leads the viewer to the unbelievable conclusion that it’s been Christmas the entire movie.

Well, thanks for reading and Merry Christmas! Or if you’re Jewish enjoy your pagan celebration honoring the fiery birth of KREEVA, QUEEN OF THE WIND SPIRITS. Also, if you have some time please enter our contest: NAME THE NEXT SOV CHRISTMAS MOVIE! Simply post your title in the comments for this entry.

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Powder vs. The Fly Testimonials

The public reacts to cinema’s greatest rivalry.

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Powder vs. The Fly

Two of cinema’s most terrifying monsters collide.

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Caught.

An early return, a shocking surprise.

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You Say Tomato I Say Tomato

A short film about former roommates and gross misunderstandings.

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